Memory Loss
by MrsUryuuIshida
Summary: When Kakashi leaves and doesn't come back everyone thinks he's dead. But what happens when he shows up at Iruka's doorstep with no memory.
1. Goodbye Kakashi

Welcome To my story I'm currently fixing it with the help of Itabitaboo. She is doing so much for this story so I must give credit where credit is due. Believe me it's due a lot here. So all who love this story thank Boo and check out her awesome work. Anyway as always enjoy and don't be nice be honest.

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><p><strong>Chapter One: Goodbye Kakashi<strong>

It was so early in the morning that the sun wasn't even up and, yet, Iruka was being awakened by his lover.

"Wake up, 'Ruka," Kakashi whispered into Iruka's ear.

"What," Iruka mumbled softly through a yawn as he sat slightly up in bed and rubbed his watering eyes.

"I'm leaving and you always tell me to let you know before I go. Remember you yelled my ear off last time," Kakashi said, followed by a quiet a chuckle. Kakashi ran his hand over Iruka's cheek, caressing it gently.

Iruka sat up and quickly shook off his sleepiness. He pulled Kakashi close and hugged him tightly. Then, he pulled down Kakashi's mask to give him a long kiss. This had become a routine for the pair each time Kakashi left on a mission. They would both be constantly hoping to return to each others' arms as soon as possible but, because they never truly knew if they would, they would kiss as if there was no tomorrow. There was only that moment and they would relish in it until reality came back to break them up again.

When the kiss was broken, Iruka enclosed Kakashi in another tight embrace. No matter how many times they had done this, Iruka could never be rid of the sadness that he felt in his heart. Kakashi's departure always made Iruka want to cry but he held his emotions in, regardless. He could only close his eyes and sigh into the hug as he prayed a silent prayer in his heart for Kakashi to return safely to him. He knew that Kakashi was just as depressed as he was and he didn't want to worry Kakashi any more than necessary. He never wanted Kakashi to feel guilty for something that couldn't be controlled. He never wanted to let Kakashi out of their goodbye hug, either.

Iruka whispered quietly while trying to keep his voice steady, "Be careful, 'Kashi, and always remember that I love you."

"I will be," Kakashi reassured, hugging his partner back just as tightly. "And I love you too, 'Ruka," Kakashi whispered.

With those final words, Kakashi was gone all too soon for Iruka's liking. If only, Iruka wished, he could drag out those goodbyes a bit longer. Agonizing as they were, the moments after Kakashi was gone were worse. The seconds immediately following his absence were so tortuously hollow. At least, as time went on, the ache dulled and Iruka grew accustomed to it but he could never get used to that initial sting of loneliness.

As the days passed by, Iruka began to worry about Kakashi but, because Iruka was always worried whenever Kakashi was away, Iruka thought it was just the same as any other time that Kakashi was gone. He thought that he was just overreacting and that his life would return to normal, as it always did, the minute that his sliver-haired lover came home. When a month passed, though, Iruka absolutely could not stop thinking about Kakashi and the possibility of him never returning. Iruka keep himself busy by thinking of all the other missions that had taken Kakashi this long because it was the only way the academy teacher could keep himself hopeful. Although Iruka was getting nervous, he was determined to try and keep his hope alive.

An entire season later, however, Iruka broke down completely. He was crying relentlessly and had lost the cheerfulness that people used to associate with him. Even after a whole other season had passed by, Iruka still couldn't pick up the pieces of his broken heart. No matter how much time seemed to pass, everything reminded Iruka of Kakashi. It didn't matter if it was a few months or a few seasons, he couldn't get the pain to leave his heart. It was an endless torture that consumed him and made him miserable, no matter the length of time that passed. He pushed on, though, always faking an empty smile but his friends, and even Iruka himself, knew that his heart was forever broken. He felt that the only time that he could show how he truly felt was at night when he usually ended up crying himself to sleep, thinking about Kakashi.

Finally, by the time a full year had passed, Iruka had begun to pick up the pieces and move on in his new life without his lover. He reassured himself that Kakashi knew that he was loved by Iruka before his death. Then, Iruka convinced himself that Kakashi dying with that knowledge was enough. That was, at least, until the fateful day on which Iruka heard a knock at his door. When he answered, he found that it was Genma and, behind him, stood Kakashi. The shock was enough to stop Iruka's heart. It was rather a miracle that he didn't drop dead right there. It had been a full year, four whole seasons and, yet, there Kakashi was, standing at his door step. Once the shock passed, Iruka ran heedlessly to Kakashi, pulling his mask down and kissing him fiercely in one swift movement. Iruka felt Kakashi kiss back momentarily before abruptly pushing him away.

"Kakashi," Iruka reprimanded immediately, equally as angry as he was confused. "You've been gone for an entire year and you don't want to kiss me!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU," Iruka yelled furiously.

"I… I don't know you," Kakashi said, a little flustered as he pulled his mask back up.

"WHAT," Iruka exclaimed in disbelief.

"Iruka," Genma interjected quickly. "I found Kakashi while I was out on a mission in another town but… he has no memory," Genma informed sadly.

Iruka's heart began to pound in his chest and he felt like he had forgotten how to breathe. He stood there just praying that this was some cruel, sick joke that Genma was playing on him but with one look into Genma's serious eyes, he knew that it was all too real. He tried to swallow but a lump in his throat prevented it. He couldn't believe that this was happening to him. What in the world did he do to deserve this? Why was he being punished like this? He wanted to close his eyes and wish all of it away but no matter how much he wished for Genma and this look-alike Kakashi to disappear, the wish wasn't going to be granted.

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><p>Thanks for reading and I'll try to fix everything and get on with the new chapters soon so wish me luck.<p> 


	2. Have We Met Before

**Chapter 2: Do I Know You?**

Chapter two is rewritten now I'm working on the rest with itabitaboo so give more credit. The holidays held me up for a while but hopefully I update soon.

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><p>"What the hell do you mean he doesn't know who I am," Iruka demanded, both irritated and confused.<p>

"Kakashi doesn't even know that he's Kakashi, to be honest," Genma said, looking away from Iruka's hurt face. Genma had grown close to Iruka ever since Kakashi was declared dead. He didn't know if he could really handle putting such a heavy burden on Iruka now that he was forced to look into Iruka's saddened face. Genma hated when he had to do such cruel things to the people closest to him but such is the price of being a ninja.

"Kakashi you… you really don't remember me… or us," Iruka questioned with astonishment, a clear tone of pain rising in his voice.

"I… I'm sorry. I don't," Kakashi replied quietly, quite unsure of how he was feeling.

"Look, Iruka, I brought him here because I need to go on another mission," Genma began apologetically. "Even though I just got back from one," he added with a tinge of resentment in his voice. "I was ordered to leave him with you until Tsunsade-sama can come and check on him."

"What do you mean check on him? Is she going to fix him," Iruka questioned with a bit of hope in his voice.

"I don't know, Iruka," Genma said sadly. "But, if nothing else, she can give you answers on what happened and what we can do to help him. If anyone is going to know anything, she is," Genma assured, sounding less than confident and failing to put Iruka at ease.

"So… you want me to watch him until then," Iruka asked, already knowing the answer and giving Genma his best 'I _really_ don't want to' look.

"Yeah," Genma confirmed reluctantly. "Kakashi might be able to get some of his memories back while he's here, though," Genma added positively, hoping to cheer Iruka up while trying not to look directly at his 'I don't want to' face at the same time. Genma was ordered to do this and even though he hated hurting Iruka, he knew that he had to follow his orders, no matter how difficult they were to carry out.

"Okay," Iruka agreed quietly, rather unsure of what he was agreeing to do. "I'll watch him until she comes. Maybe it's something she can easily fix." Iruka sighed heavily, not really believing his own words of encouragement.

"Okay. I'll inform Tsunade," Genma said sadly, glad that Iruka was agreeing but also sad that Iruka would suffer for it. Genma seemed quite reluctant to walk away. He really didn't want to do this to Iruka. He hated himself for it. He was being ordered to cause Iruka pain. The Tokubetsu jounin could only hope that Iruka wouldn't hate him for what he was being forced to do, though. As Genma, finally, walked away, it was with a very sad and sorry expression.

"Please, come in, Kakashi-san," Iruka suggested. He was trying to remain calm and formal so as not to spook Kakashi, considering he did just run up and kiss the man uninvited. The amnesic man walked into the unfamiliar house and sat timidly on the couch. Iruka sighed loudly. He had just had his heart fixed and then broken again so fast that it was a wonder he didn't go straight into shock.

"I'm sorry that I don't remember anything about you. This must really hurt," the copy-nin said out of the blue.

"It's okay," Iruka lied, faking a small smile. "I'm fine, really. I was just caught off guard, you know… confused… well, at least, for the sec or two that you actually kissed me back," Iruka admitted, scratching the back of his head and giving a small, awkward laugh.

"My body reacted before my mind," Kakashi replied swiftly. "It felt familiar to me for a moment, so I guess I just reacted without really thinking about it. Maybe… because it was so familiar… then… I am… well, maybe I'm… you know… the same as you," Kakashi said, groping his mind for the right words. He couldn't find the right phrase to describe what he was trying to say and had a feeling that it was just coming out wrong.

"You mean, even though we're both men," Iruka pointed out bluntly in a moment of bravery. He had come to terms with who he was a long time ago. He wasn't afraid to admit it, not even to his amnesic lover. Kakashi's embarrassment at the notion of their relationship was disheartening to Iruka, though.

"Yeah," Kakashi agreed meekly.

"I'm sorry, 'Kashi," Iruka offered awkwardly. "I shouldn't have jumped you like that."

"'Kashi," Kakashi questioned the nickname curiously.

"Oh, sorry," said Iruka, a wave of hurt evident in his voice. "It's a nickname. It's just a force of habit. I'll try to watch it. I guess you're not really used to anything that I'm used to."

"It's okay," Kakashi said quickly, smiling at Iruka. "So… umm… uh…" Kakashi began uncertainly, realizing that he didn't remember this man's name.

"Iruka," the brunette informed after a tiny sigh while trying to hide the dejection in his voice.

This was almost too much for Iruka to deal with. Didn't any part inside of Kakashi remember Iruka at all? Were all those years that they had spent together erased so easily? Did Kakashi not cling to even one thought of Iruka on that mission that he never came back from? Surely, Kakashi could have remembered, at least, a small piece of his old life and of Iruka _somewhere_. That moment Kakashi had just spent searching for Iruka's name hurt Iruka more than he would ever admit. All he could do, though, was just hide the pain in his eyes and hope the Kakashi that Iruka knew and loved would return soon.

Logic told the academy teacher that expecting to be remembered after a memory wipe was asking too much of Kakashi. Iruka felt like something inside Kakashi should make this feel more natural, though. He should have held on to something, _anything_. Hadn't Iruka been entitled to, at least, that after everything he had been through with Kakashi? After all, being a stranger to the person that he loved the most and having to act like that was all okay when it most certainly was not was asking too much of Iruka, too.

"Sorry," Kakashi said timidly, interrupting Iruka's inner turmoil. "So, Iruka, what do you do," Kakashi asked conversationally. After being thrown into this strange situation with a man that knew so much about him, the least he could do was try to learn something about Iruka too, whom he knew absolutely nothing about.

"I'm a teacher, actually," Iruka informed. "I work in the mission room too, though."

"So, it's Iruka-_sensei,_" Kakashi pointed out with a small smile, trying to comfort the brunette that looked so pained.

"Iruka is just fine. You don't need to use the sensei but I don't mind it. So… Kakashi," Iruka started uncertainly. "What do you remember, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Not at all, sensei," Kakashi assured. "I know the basic stuff that they teach kids, I guess. I know about weapons and ranks and things like that but a lot of the things about me and the people around me are fuzzy." Kakashi was unsure if he was explaining it just right. Trying to describe it made him feel as if he was only confusing himself. He felt like he was only further hurting the tan man in front of him by bringing up the fact that he remembered other things but nothing about Iruka.

"You don't even remember your own name," Iruka asked.

"No," said Kakashi. "But you and that other guy called me Kakashi, so I guess that's who I used to be."

"Yes, you were…" Iruka paused. "You _are_ Kakashi Hatake," he corrected. "And _I_ am Iruka Umino. The guy that brought you here is Genma Shiranui," Iruka explained.

"I'll try to keep up, sensei," Kakashi said brightly.

Iruka felt odd about Kakashi calling him 'sensei' but decided not to voice that opinion. There was only one thing he truly wanted to be called, and he knew that Kakashi calling him by his old nickname was too much to hope for. All of this just reminded him that the memory of the man he loved was gone and so that meant that the man himself was gone, too. Every time Iruka thought he couldn't be hurt any more, some new action that Kakashi would do just proved the chuunin wrong. Iruka desperately wanted Kakashi to remember him or, at least, some small piece of his old life. Maybe then Iruka could hide some of his pain better.

"So, Kakashi-san, can you tell me about your year away," Iruka questioned, trying to change the subject and forget some of the pain he was feeling.

"Yeah, if you'd like," Kakashi said agreeably. "Well, I woke up in a random place with a killer headache and this pain in my arm. My caretaker, Hana, informed me that she found me passed out, so she and her son, Yuni, took me in. They took care of me and when I was able, I began to work in their store. It was like that until a few days ago when a man, the one you call Genma, ran up to me. He started saying that everyone thought that I was dead and he asked me why was I out there. He even told me how distraught you were. I told him that he had the wrong person but he persisted and said that he would bet I can't even remember more than a year ago. Well, he was right about that and when he told me that he could help me get my memory back, I wanted to know, of course. Who wouldn't want to know their past? So, I came back here and he brought me right to you, the guy who is supposed to be my lover."

The young teacher moved closer to the lost silver-haired man and impulsively touched his back lightly as he spoke. "We're going to help you remember everything Kakashi-san," Iruka reassured, although, since he couldn't be sure himself, he wasn't sure of exactly how confident he sounded.

Iruka wasn't sure how much Kakashi had told the truth in his story or how many details he purposely left out. How much did Kakashi actually want Iruka to know and how much did he skim over just so that he wouldn't have to let Iruka into his life? As much as Iruka hated to admit it, they were now virtually strangers to each other. By Kakashi's own painful words 'supposed to be', Iruka knew that Kakashi didn't believe that they were ever really in a relationship.

"Thanks, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said with a meek smile, completely ignorant of his painful choice in words.

Kakashi wasn't exactly sure how to take the hand placed on his back from this stranger. He knew he was already causing Iruka so much pain and even though he didn't know the man, there was still a small bit of inexplicable guilt festering inside him. He wasn't sure he had the heart to tell Iruka that it made him uncomfortable. He wasn't even sure that it _did_ make him uncomfortable. Kakashi could tell that Iruka truly wanted to help Kakashi's memory return, even if it was only because the tan man wanted Kakashi back in his life. Kakashi could accept that, though, because he couldn't honestly say that he wouldn't to the same exact thing if placed in this situation himself.

Iruka retracted his hand quickly and held it close to himself to put a halt to his immediate desires. Touching Kakashi after having gone so long without him was giving Iruka mixed emotions. He had forgotten Kakashi's warmth and even his scent after such a long time in his absence. Iruka found himself wishing that this was all just a dream and, yet, he didn't really want to wake up. He was happy to have the jounin back but at what cost? Could Iruka truly be happy, even though Kakashi didn't even know who Iruka was, let alone who he himself was? Iruka knew that he had to get his mind off of these weakening thoughts. He had to be strong until his lover remembered him again.

"So, Kakashi-san, are you hungry," Iruka asked decidedly. "I'm sorry," he apologized, suddenly, at a new revelation. "I should have asked earlier. Would you like to be called something else? I'm sure your yearlong caretakers didn't call you nothing for all that time and they, certainly, weren't calling you Kakashi." Iruka felt quite embarrassed. What if Kakashi hated being called a name that he didn't know? At the same time, abandoning that name would break Iruka's heart. Could he handle it if Kakashi did prefer another title?

"You're right. They called me Hirotaka…" Kakashi affirmed and Iruka's heart sank. Of course, Kakashi had a whole new identity. He was gone and he'd very possibly never come back. "But…" Kakashi added and Iruka perked up. "It sounds so natural when you call me Kakashi," he admitted with a reassuring smile "My body answers before my mind does, so I guess it's okay. Besides, it might be hard for you to convert to calling me something that you're not used to."

"I know but I'd do it for you if you wanted me to," Iruka insisted quickly, despite the relief he felt at Kakashi's acceptance of the name. Although Iruka knew it _would_ be hard and awkward to call Kakashi something new, he wanted to break the tension that had been climbing between them. If that meant abandoning the very last trace of Kakashi's old self, so be it. Despite both of their efforts, though, this was all really uncomfortable and Iruka wanted it to feel more natural. At least, for Kakashi. Maybe that would even help Kakashi get his memory back

"Thank you, sensei, but it's okay," Kakashi assured and Iruka welcomed the bit of joy that it brought him. Kakashi, as always, had his mask on with his hitate covering his left eye but Iruka could see Kakashi's visible eye curve up with a smile, just as he remembered Kakashi doing so many times before. Iruka blushed at the memory and had to turn away quickly, not wanting Kakashi to know of this attraction.

"So, Kakashi," Iruka began after a short moment of composing himself. "How about some miso soup with eggplant, your favorite," Iruka offered eagerly. "Or… uh… is… is that still your favorite," Iruka stammered, questioning uncertainly and rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Whatever you want, sensei, is fine with me," Kakashi said, smiling again. Unable to hide yet another blush, Iruka changed the subject quickly.

"Kakashi, do you mind me asking why you still wear your mask and head protector," Iruka asked.

"Oh, well," Kakashi began. "I don't really know. I feel awkward when I don't wear them, so maybe it's just a force of habit from my last life."

"You're not in another life," Iruka refuted automatically. He added more softly, "It just _seems_ like it."

"Yeah," Kakashi agreed hesitantly. "I guess you're right." Although he was agreeing, Iruka could tell from Kakashi's tone of voice that he still wasn't sure.

Iruka, then, walked into the kitchen and began to prepare the food. It seemed so odd to him to make so much food, seeing as he was so used to his usual year old routine of eating alone. He wasn't sure whether he liked it or not but he would just have to deal with it for now. When Iruka, finally, served the food, they mostly ate in silence, except for when Kakashi complimented Iruka on how good the food was. The tan teacher felt odd about being with the pale man again and, yet, not really being with him at the same time. Iruka found himself musing about how this very situation might have gone before, with Kakashi's old self.

Most likely, the jounin would finish eating first and pressure the younger man to hurry up and finish too so that they could retire to the bedroom together. Iruka blushed at the thought and quickly stood to take his plate to the sink so that Kakashi wouldn't see his cheeks reddening. After the brunette washed his plate and put it away, he went back and sat on the couch to think anxiously about how late it was getting late and that Tsunade still hadn't shown up yet. Where was she? What was taking her so long? Didn't she know Iruka was suffering over here? Iruka was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the pale man finish his food and sit down next to him, causing Iruka to startle as Kakashi spoke.

"Iruka-sensei," Kakashi questioned tentatively.

"Oh! Kakashi-san, it-it's getting late isn't it? I-I wonder where Tsunade is," Iruka mused quickly. "Well, in any case, we should prepare for bed," Iruka said pointedly, leaving no room for a response, and left to go into the bedroom. Kakashi followed in suit, stopping next to Iruka when he came to a halt before a dresser. The chuunin ran his hand across it lightly and smiled at the memories it brought back.

"This is your dresser," Iruka informed. "It should have some night-clothes for you." Iruka paused momentarily. "I'll just go prepare the bath. You can go first."

With that, Iruka retreated into the bathroom to start the bath for Kakashi. He found himself dwelling on all of the memories they had made in there, too, and he began to feel conflicted again. He was happy to have Kakashi but sad to have so little of who Kakashi used to be. All of these memories that were coming back to him were his and his alone. Kakashi wouldn't remember any of them. He would step onto the tile of this washroom and feel nothing.

Iruka heaved a sigh as Kakashi did just that. He stepped into the bathroom and stared blankly at the brunette, clearly, feeling nothing. Iruka stared at Kakashi expectantly for a moment before reeling himself in. Of course, Kakashi simply wanted to take a bath. There were no memories floating around in his head or tugging at his heart. Iruka decided to go and make some tea. He really needed to get himself under control. This wasn't going to be easy and he needed to relax. Now standing alone in the bathroom, Kakashi looked at himself in the mirror.

"Am I truly Kakashi," he asked himself, allowing a short moment of silence to follow. "What am I saying? What would Hana think? But… everything seems so familiar to me."

Feeling conflicted, Kakashi sighed heavily. He, then, reached into the cabinet and retrieved his toothbrush and toothpaste. His squeezed some paste onto his brush and raised it up to his teeth before freezing. He looked at himself disbelievingly in the mirror. How did he know that this was his? How did he even know where it was?

"I must have lived here," he told himself surely. "My body knows it, even if my mind doesn't. My body reacts before I even have a chance to think about it."

Kakashi lowered his toothbrush and sighed, "Damn it. Everything might be true. I might really be Kakashi Hatake."

His mind was reeling but he decided that refusing to brush his teeth wouldn't help anything. So, he finished the task and hopped into the steaming water of the tub, trying to will his mind to go blank for a while. He just wanted to rest here in peace. Simultaneously, on the other side of that bathroom door where he was making tea, Iruka began to question himself, too.

"What was Genma thinking, giving him to me? More importantly, what was _I_ thinking saying yes?" Iruka groaned internally. "I can't focus. I can't think about him without nearly having a mental breakdown. I need to be strong until Kakashi remembers everything, though," Iruka reminded himself. "This tea will calm me down," he reassured.

He tried to force his body to relax but only felt emotions ripping him apart inside. He sighed heavily as tears welled up in his eyes. He felt like crying but he knew he had to avoid it, if he could. It was time to be strong. Iruka sat himself down on the couch to drink his tea, hoping it would help him clear his mind. When he heard Kakashi leave the bathroom, Iruka walked swiftly into the bedroom to offer him tea.

"I made some tea," Iruka stated softly, looking at Kakashi and seeing that he was shirtless with only a towel to cover himself. The academy teacher blushed furiously and turned away quickly.

He tried to level his breathing as he stammered on, "I… I'm going in now."

Heedlessly, he rushed into the bathroom and closed the door in a hurry. Iruka had almost forgotten how good the pale man looked. He couldn't deny how much he wanted Kakashi but he knew that he couldn't have him. That thought brought about another round of emotions and Iruka shook his head to shake them out. He decided not to think about it and to hurry up and take a bath. That, surely, would ease his mind a bit.

In the bedroom, Kakashi was distracted from Iruka's odd behavior as he went through his old dresser drawers. Way in the back, he found an old box. He pulled it out with curiosity and opened it to find some old photos. As the silver-haired man went through them, he saw a few of them were of Iruka and himself. There was one with them just posing together like normal friends should be. Then, there was one of him kissing the chuunin's cheek as the chuunin was blushing a deep red.

Kakashi felt uncomfortable at seeing his old life like this. The small part of him that believed that this was all just a mistake was being ripped away slowly as he scanned through the photos. There was even one of them kissing each other on the lips and Kakashi had to put the photos away quickly, unable to look at any more. He couldn't admit to himself that this truly was him. If he did, the guilt of forgetting someone who used to be so important to him would make Kakashi feel too terrible. He couldn't help but regret coming here because he could so plainly see how much it was hurting Iruka. He felt like he was intruding on someone's else's life.

"Iruka-sensei, I'm sorry," the copy-nin whispered softly, knowing Iruka couldn't hear him but feeling obliged to speak into the emptiness, nonetheless. "I bet me just being here tears you up inside."

The pale man tried to push the thoughts away, though, and pulled some boxers and pajama pants from the dresser. He dressed himself and went to have some of that tea that Iruka had made in hopes that it would be soothing. Inside the bathroom, as Kakashi indulged in tea, Iruka was soaking his depressed self in the tub and his mind was wandering relentlessly to Kakashi.

"'Kashi," he found himself questioning into the quiet bathroom. "Do you even truly want to remember us? I can't act like you and Hana did nothing for a year. She was your savior." Thinking back on Kakashi's story of her, Iruka felt an ache capture his heart. "You never mentioned anything about a husband."

Unable to fight them off this time, a few tears slipped from Iruka's eyes to meld into the bath water. This was a time in which it would be okay to cry. Seeing Kakashi like this, having Kakashi back and knowing that he was already lost was hurting Iruka even more than when he simply thought Kakashi dead. Was this even better than death? Did Iruka truly want to have Kakashi so close and, yet, so far out of reach? Was it okay to be longing for a man just on the other side of the door when that man could very well be longing for some woman somewhere else? What was Iruka supposed to do? Iruka heaved a heavy sigh and gave in to the heart ache. For just a while longer, he would mourn his loss. When he emerged from this bath, though, he would embrace this new Kakashi as best that he could. He would do whatever it took to make him feel comfortable while silently hoping to retrieve the old Kakashi, the Kakashi that he loved.

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><p>Sorry it's taking so long to update but I have to the old before adding to the new. Especially with my awesome new help. Until next update wish me luck.<p> 


	3. Our Past

Welcome to another one of my chapters. All I have to say is enjoy. ^_^

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><p>Chapter 3 Our Past<p>

As Iruka finished up in the bathtub he slowly stepped out and wrapped his lower half in a towel. He looked at himself in the mirror and brushed his damp hair. He signed then walked out of the bathroom and towards his dresser. He pulled out some underwear and some simple pajamas. The chuunin walked out of the bedroom and sat next to Kakashi.

"Iruka-sensei your hair," Kakashi said touching Iruka's hair.

"What about it?" Iruka asked not even looking at Kakashi.

"Nothing…it just looks good down." Kakashi said smiling.

Iruka turns towards the sliver haired man, but their faces almost touched. Iruka blushed and quickly backed up. That was too close for the brunette he needs to keep his distance before he gets the urge to do something stupid.

"You used to tell me that all the time," the tan man said blushing. He shook it off and said "but personally I like it better up." Silence fell between them, but the academy teacher wasn't sure if it was comforting or disturbing.

"Hey sensei," Kakashi said breaking the silence between them.

"Yes Kakashi-san."

"You smell nice, but it's odd it feels different. Are you using a new shampoo or something?"

"Yes my friend gave it to me. I've been using it for quite a while…but what do you means it smells different I've been using it for a few weeks so it can be from earlier."

"I don't know how to explain it you just smell different to me."

"Unless you remembered my smell from…" Iruka grew silent wondering if he should finish his sentence.

"I've been doing things like this all day! I don't know what…"

"Maybe you're getting your memory back and will be back to your old self in no time." Iruka said cutting Kakashi off trying to be cheerful.

"Maybe…" Kakashi wasn't even sure if he wanted to remember everything from his past, but he was here so he may as well try. "Hey Iruka-sensei, could you tell me about my old life."

"Okay… Well you're a very strong shinobi who was also teacher though not like me. I teach at the academy you didn't, so maybe I should call you Kakashi-sensei instead like I used to. Anyway your best friend is likely Gai Maito a youthful weirdo who comes up with crazy challenges for you do to. You hate fried and sweet foods, and used to read Jiraiya's Icha Icha everywhere. It's a very mature book that I don't above of, but I never tried to make you stop reading them. To everyone you gave off a late laid-back man but to me…" Iruka had to stop he had gone too far in remembering how things used to be. He couldn't afford to mix in his feeling right now.

"To you what am I."

"You're a king and caring person and I l…l…like to go to bed I think it's getting late." Iruka couldn't tell the man that he loved him. It would freak him out and make him not want to leave. Kakashi might be straight and the tan had to prepare for the possibility of the older man leaving even when he regained his memory.

"But would you tell me about us before you go to bed." Kakashi said breaking Iruka out of his thoughts.

"About Us… like how we were before."

"Yes it might help with my memory."

"Okay… well what do you want to know first?"

"Who started it?"

"It was you, you asked me out on dates a lot, but I said that-"

"You said that you knew I wasn't serious and you were looking for more than a quick fuck."

"Yes…I…you remembered."

"I heard it in the back of my head it was a small voice saying it to me."

"Anything else. Do you remember what happened next?"

"No sorry."

"It's okay."

"You maybe only remembering small sentences, but it's a start shall… shall I continue."

"Yes please sensei."

"You told me you were serious and after a few more attempts I agreed to a date. I admit it was fun you didn't even try anything perverted. You wanted to prove to me that you really were serious."

"Who said I love you first?"

"You did actually, but that can't be too surprising considering I just told you that you started it."

""I guess not. Since we were…you know, are we or were we open with it or did only a few people know."

"A few people knew, but we were not exactly hiding it we just liked to keep our private life private so everyone doesn't know."

"Did I used to leave a lot. I have this feeling that I did, but I don't know why?"

"Yeah you did. You had missions to do so I wasn't too worried a lot. Every night before you left you would wake me up if I was sleep and we would kiss for a moment or two in case…in case you didn't return to me. Like last time you were gone but I still had our last kiss so I had something to cherish."

"Ruka I'm sorry."

"What did you call me?" Iruka said sitting up quickly looking at Kakashi.

"Ruka, did I used to call you that?"

"Yeah when I was upset or sad or when you wanted to be affectionate."

"Hey, Kakashi do you mind if I as a question."

"No, sensei please ask away."

"Did you and Hana have a relationship?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"I know that having you back even with your memory gone has healed the hole in my heart, but I can't give her the same thing. I want to know if you remember us will you have to choose."

"I'm sorry sensei but… we were involved with each other. That is my new family and when I regain my memory I am planning on returning there. "

"Oh… I see." Iruka turned away from the memory lost jonin. His heart felt damaged now that he knew things would never go back to normal.

"Sensei, how long were we together?"

"A…a few years." The brunette's voice cracked.

"Exactly, how long were we together sensei?"

"This year would have been our 5th year together last year would have been our 4th if you hadn't disappeared."

"We were together that long."

"Yea, we were in love…we had better get to bed I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed."

"You don't have to do that I'm a guest."

"Exactly! that's why you get the bed!"

"But, you live here!"

"You do too! ...I mean you did."

"Fine sensei you win."

Kakashi left and entered the bedroom as Iruka went into a closet and pulled out a blanket to lie on the couch with. Kakashi laid down the bed that smelled like Iruka and had mixed emotions about the day he just had. Iruka let tears slip from his eyes as he thought of Kakashi's resolve to leave him. He knew it was possible and tried to prepare himself for it but hearing it hurt so much. Even though he tried to stop the tears they kept flowing form his eyes. As both of the men began to drift off their minds couldn't stop questioning the day ahead of them.

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><p>Well I proofread it once or twice, but maybe I should get a beta. Maybe later on when I have time (Spring break) I will try to unless anyone has any beta's to recommend. So anyway hope I didn't make too many mistakes and remember like Altoids you too can get your awesomeness from the dreams of pregnant mermaids.<p> 


	4. Exanimation The Promise

Welcome to another Chapter of this ongoing tale of mine. Enjoy. ^_^

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><p>Chapter 4 ExaminationThe promise

As Iruka began to stir he felt warm a little too warm for being on the couch. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a pale chest near his face. The brunette jumped up and fell to the floor with a loud thump.

"Sensei, are you okay?" Kakashi asked groggy.

"What am I doing here I was on the couch!" Iruka yelled.

"You looked uncomfortable Sensei, so I brought you here. We've shared a bed before right? So I thought it wouldn't be big deal."

"Yea we have but…not like this. You don't even know who I am so…I didn't want to do that to you. " Iruka stood up and stretched a little. "At any rate we better get ready Tsunade-sama should be here today."

Iruka walked into the bathroom and hoped he played off his little problem this morning. As he turned on the cold water he sighed, because he knew he was in for a long day.

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><p>By the time Iruka was done and dressed and Kakashi was in the bathroom Tsunade-sama had come to check out Kakashi.<p>

"Sorry I didn't come yesterday. It was late and I had some other things that really needed my attention," She said plopping down on the couch.

"It's okay your job is never done," Iruka said smiling and handing her some tea.

"You got that right. So where is he?" she took a sip of the tea and stretched a bit.

"He's in the bathroom."

"Is he almost done? I want to get this over with as soon as possible."

Right then Kakashi appeared in the doorway in a towel, his mask still on and his sharingan eye closed.

"Kakashi-san Tsunade-sama is here. Can you hurry and get ready so she can examine you."

"Of course sensei," Kaksashi said and walked back into the bedroom.

"Sensei?" the blond woman asked.

"Don't know he's just taken a liking to calling me that." The brunette shrugged and smile.

""Whatever," she mumbled.

When Kakashi was finally dressed in his usual uniform with his mask still in place Tsunade began to examine him. When all of the tests were done the only thing the powerful woman did could do was take a long sigh.

"Damn," was the only word that graced her lips.

"Tsunade-sama," Iruka said with worry present in his voice.

"I know a little bit about what did this, but what I have to say isn't good. This is something that a very developed poison maker had to do. It takes years to get to this level and that still a long way from what it's designed to be. This poison is supposed to melt the brain but it's a long way from doing it. However it is at the level of causing memory problems. Although since it seems it wasn't injected into him and only coated on a blade that seemed to hit him, it's not permeate. If we figure out what triggers the memory we can get it back, if not his memory will always be half gone. So they best thing I can do for him is to leave him in your care Iruka."

"What…I thought that I was the temporary watcher." Iruka said with a confused look.

"But he used to live here is this is the best shot we have to getting his memory back the fastest."

"I…" Iruka wanted to tell her he couldn't bear having Kakashi here anymore, but he didn't want to tell the sliver haired man that to his face.

"Kakashi-san, would you excuse us a minute?" Tsunade said seeming to know the problem.

"Sure." Kakashi quickly left the room so that Tsunade and Iruka were alone.

"Okay Iruka now talk to me, why don't you want Kakashi to stay here?" The blonde said quickly.

"Tsunade-sama he's leaving. He going to go back to his new lover when he remembers. I'm going to lose him again."

"Iruka I know it's hard, but it's not certain yet. When he realizes he loves you he may stay."

"No he won't his resolve is to go back, and I'm just one person. Where he's going there's two of them they outnumber me. They need him more, and I'm not sure I can help him if he just going to leave me. I know it's selfish but it would break my heart."

"Iruka it's okay. I know that you don't want to lose him. I'm going to find a new location for him and I'll be back if you still want him to go I'll take him. I don't want to cause you any unneeded pain. Will you be alright until I get back?"

"Yes, thank-you."

As Tsunade left Iruka went and sat on the bed and put his face in his hands. He felt bad about sending Kakashi away but he had to. He had to keep some of his sanity.

A few moments went by before Kakashi entered the room and sat next to Iruka.

"Sensei you're sending me away." Kakashi said sadly.

Iruka should have known that the pale man would listen to what he and Tsunade were saying. So all he could say was "I'm sorry; I know I'm being selfish but this pain in my chest won't go away."

Kakashi wrapped his arms around Iruka in a tight embrace.

"Please don't Kakashi," Iruka said sadly.

"Sensei I know how hard it is. You…love me, and have for a long time, but I don't remember anything and have a new life. You feel that I'm lost to you and you don't want to help me just so that I can leave you. I'm sorry that I can't help you, but before I leave I want to try. Just let it all out so... I can try before I go."

Iruka wanted to let it all out. That entire load that he felt, and he tried to keep inside. "I…I can't you don't know me and need to focus on other things besides me."

"Can't you pretend for a minute that I do. It will help you to get it all out."

"No I've save what I have to say for when you really remember me. I know you're not mine anymore and won't be mine any more so I'll accept that. Your resolve is to be with Hana and Yuni not with me and I have to accept that but… If you truly want to stay, I will let you and help you with everything I have left if… you promise to be mine just once more before you go."

"Are …are you sure you can handle that."

"Yes I know I can if I can only have a moment more when you remember, I know I can make it."

"Okay then I promise that when I remember everything, I will be yours just once more."

"Thank you for agreeing to this selfish request of mine."

When Tsunade returned Iruka explained that he would keep Kakashi until he regained his memory then Kakashi would be released in any way that he chooses. Tsunade wasn't sure, but let Iruka do as he wished. She just hoped that he wouldn't be in too much pain when this was finally over.

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><p>It seems when I post I put up two at the same time. I think it because most of my writing I just write then later I finally split it up where I think it's needed. I've working on not doing that, but for now accept me as I am please. So until next time, maybe during spring break, remember to put off today what you can do tomorrow and don't listen to the idiots that say what is today but yesterdays tomorrow. They only want to work you to death.<p> 


	5. Old Enemy, Same Love

Chapter 5 Old Enemy, Same Love

A.N: Welcome after so long to this story sorry it's been so long but I've been BETA hunting and with school it's not a pretty sight. Too bad I haven't updated the changes but I will soon. As usually enjoy and don't be nice. I don't like it when people ask for niceness.

I must thank FallenAngelEmpathy for her wonderful idea's on this story you have helped shape this story more than you think. So Thank you so much.

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><p>Tsunade was in her office with hand massing her temples out of frustration. Genma was standing in front of her desk questioning her on Kakashi's progress.<p>

"Look I didn't mention this to Iruka but Kakashi Chakra has been sealed." Tsunade sighed.

"Wouldn't that wear off after a while though?" Genma said biting down on his senbon.

"Yes, unless it constantly was being sealed. Whenever his last dose was it should wear off some by today so tell the brat to be here. I know you'll find an excuse to see Iruka anyway. "

Genma ignored Tsunade's last comment and began to walk out of her office when she called his name.

"I want you to go back where you found him and check out his house I can't trust that she wasn't the one giving him the seal."

Genma nodded and walked out happy to get to see Iruka even if it was only for a little while before his newly acquired mission.

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><p>After that disturbing night Iruka needed to get out of the house so he made some breakfast and left a note saying: "<em>Went out to get groceries. Be back soon- Iruka<em>" He wasn't lying he needed to get some food but he also wanted to clear his head. As Iruka headed out he felt an odd feeling in the bit of his stomach that today was going to turn out weird.

As Iruka was finishing up his list he felt a hand on his shoulder and a familiar voice say "Hey Iruka." The brunette knew exactly who it was and turned around to face Genma.

"What are you doing here?" Iruka said with a weak smile.

"Nothing I saw you come in here and I wanted to check on you. I'm sorry that I had to do that to you. I swear it was the last thing I would have done but, Tsunade ordered me to. " Genma said his voice full of sadness.

"It's fine Genma, thanks for caring though. You've always been a great friend." Iruka said touching Genma's shoulder.

"Oh course I'll always be here to help you. Would you like to talk about it over tea? I know you could stand to get some of this weight off your chest." Genma said holding out his hand to Iruka. Iruka's took the outstretched hand that began to lead him from the store.

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><p>When Kakashi got up that morning the sliver haired man called out to Iruka only to hear nothing. He climbed from the bed only to see some food and a note on the table. Kakashi wondered if he was just using getting food as an excuse to get away from him. He just shook the thought from his head and sat down to eat hoping that the younger sensei would be home soon.<p>

As Iruka and Genma sat down to tea as the chuunin looked down into his tea he began to talk.

"Genma I'm grateful for all you've done for me, then and now. It seems that no matter what goes on I can talk to you about it." Iruka continued to stare down into his tea as he said this.

The jonin reached over and took the academy teachers hand. "Iruka I'm here for you so you will always have me as a friend." Genma smirked. If Iruka had the urge to pull away he didn't act on it nor did he let it show. The young teacher knew that this jonin had become a sort of form of stability after Kakashi was pronounced dead.

"Come on Iruka let's take a walk." Genma said all the sudden and pulled Iruka up out of his seat.

Iruka wordlessly went with the man and ended up walking through a park.

"Genma he's says leaving again and this time it will be forever," tan man said breaking the silence between them but his voice was void of emotion.

"Iruka if you survived him leaving once then you can do it again. When he's gone I'll still be here. If this is hurting you then you have to let him go. " Genma almost shouted this and put his arms on Iruka's shoulders stopping their walk.

Iruka looks up at Genma as he fakes a smile. The jonin pulls Iruka into a tight hug and when he pulls away he looks into Iruka's eyes, but he felt a familiar presence and turned around. It was Kakashi who had somehow found them.

"Kakashi-san I'm sorry I must have made you worry I've been out a while." Iruka said putting on the best smile he could given the situation. Iruka wasn't sure if was relieved or hurt he had the feeling that Genma was going to try and kiss him, but maybe he was over thinking things.

"If you were worried, Iruka's fine." Genma said putting a protective hand in front of Iruka. "I'll walk him home so you can walk around town and see if anything pops up from your past."

Kakashi felt his blood boil, why was Genma trying to send him away? Although Kakashi new deep inside that this unexplained hatred for this senbon carrier might have a deeper meaning, he decided not to think too deep on it.

"Genma you don't have to send him off let's all go to my house together and have some lunch." Iruka said to break the obvious tension in the room.

"Okay Iruka if you're sure," Genma said smiling at the chuunin.

"Oh I forgot there are a few more things I need to get." Iruka handed Genma the few bags that he had in his hands and as he raced off said. "Genma can you stay here with Kakashi, I'll be right back."

The bodyguard could only whisper a low "sure," as the academy teacher ran away. When Genma could no longer see Iruka he placed the bags on the ground and turned towards the silver hair man to say "You hate me don't you. You feel an unexplained dislike for me right."

"I think, I feel mad at you but I don't know why." Kakashi said a bit unsure of his answer.

The brown haired jonin laughed a long hard laugh before he said "It has to do with your past life Hirotaka."

"You're not going to call me Kakashi?" the memory lost man asked.

"Nah, Kakashi was my… competitor you're not after what I want so you're Hirotaka to me. That is your name isn't it."

"Yeah," Kakashi sighed and turned away from Genma to look down an empty road. "It's just been a while since someone has called me that. And what do you mean competitor."

Genma smiled and said "Oh nothing." Suddenly the Tokubetsu Jonin looked serious and walked around to the direction that the silver haired man faced. "I need to ask you something…well more like a favor. I- need you to go back home."

"But I don't have my memory back yet." The silver haired man said confused as to why his man needed him to leave.

"Look you're hurting Iruka, and if you get your memory back trust me you won't leave."

"Are you telling me some sort of sick threat?" Kakashi asked as he clenched his fists almost ready to fight.

Genma held up his hands in defense and quickly said "No just some insight on how Kakashi feels. I think I know him better than you right now Hirotaka, because I know how he feels."

"You can't tell me I won't leave or how I will feel. I will always be me." Kakashi almost felt the urge to hit this man and looked away from him in an attempt to calm down.

"Hirotaka unless you love Hana more than anything else even your own life. If you're not only with her because it's convenient then I assure you, you won't leave."

Kakashi turned back around to comment on what he was just told when Iruka ran up with arms full of groceries.

"Hope I wasn't too long, are you guys ready?" Iruka smiled a warm smile that made Kakashi forget he was mad at Genma.

Kakashi opened his mouth to say yes when Genma stepped in front of him and took the rest of Iruka's bags and said "Of course Iruka." Kakashi didn't even notice Genma pick up the bags he had set down earlier. Whoever this man was Kakashi wasn't sure he liked him.

"Thanks Genma, but you don't have to carry all the bags." The brunette said with another heartwarming smile.

"It's my pleasure," Genma said and they began to head in the direction of Iruka's home.

As Iruka prepared dinner Kakashi and Genma were on the couch and whispered back and forth so Iruka would not hear them.

"I wasn't joking earlier I want you to leave soon if you care anything about Iruka you will listen to me." Genma said quietly.

"I can't Iruka has things he want to say to me when I remember and I have a promise to keep." Kakashi said looking down remembering the night before.

"You need to forget your promise and leave or at least pretend to remember." Genma said sighing at Kakashi resolve.

"I can't I promised him and why do you care so much about what I do and Iruka?" Kakashi said hoping to finally get some answers.

Genma chuckled and said "Can't you tell I'm in love with Iruka too."

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><p>A.N: Two out of three there are mistakes everywhere but it's UN-BETA-ED so sue me. I do have a BETA now so it will get fixed eventually. I just really wanted a this as a present to me from me.<p>

Oh a real shocker but who didn't see that one coming. No I'm pretty sure it was clear in the beginning but anyway sorry it took so long and always remember why can't you count you chickens before they hatch. Everyone needs to practice counting.


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